Dallas-Area Suicide Hotline Operators Get Their Popcorn Ready

The Onion ran this after Dallas lost in the playoffs.

Hilarious.

NBA All-star Game Recap

I understand why people don't watch the NBA and the All-Star game must be a joke within a joke of a basketball game, but this year it was actually a pretty good game. It was competitive down the stretch and I always enjoy seeing the East win amid a season of Western dominance.
The entertaining finish, however, was highlighted by Ray Allen. After three quarters of messing around and the East building a lead, the west went on a run and closed the gap, taking their first lead with a few minutes remaining. It appeared the West was about to break it open, but instead it was Allen who went off. He hit three consecutive treys and made free throws to seal it (14 points in the final 3:15). (It was especially spectacular knowing he wasn't even supposed to be there, having been a last-minute replacement for an injured Caron Butler.) That kind of performance makes me a believer in Boston as a legitimate title contender. Unfortunately, the MVP award was in the hands of the public voters and the masses thought Lebron James deserved it because he was the statistical leader. Since the all-star game is usually a game of dunking and traveling, I hadn't seen a shooting display like that since the clinic Glen Rice put on in 1997. What can I say...Ray got screwed.

Trade Evaluations

Atlanta Hawks/Mike Bibby -- On paper, Atlanta looks like a contender for the East, but they don't play up to potential. The addition of Bibby provides a more reliable shooter, along with another option come the end of games. However, they already had this in Joe Johnson. The better option would have been to go after a big man.

Grade: C

Dallas Mavericks/Jason Kidd -- This is a great move. Dirk wants to play with Jason. Jason wants to play with Dirk. Devin Harris was a good point guard, but the Mavs are near the bottom of the league in assists per game. Kidd will open the floor and push the ball a bit more, reverting back to a style circa the 2003 Dallas Mavs. The only downside with Kidd is his age, but he has a few good seasons left in the tank. Expect Dallas in the Western Conference Finals.

Grade: A

LA Lakers/Pau Gasol -- I'm not quite sold on Gasol. After two years of Pau-to-Chicago rumors, I never saw him as an instant impact player. He's a decent power forward with a nice touch, but he doesn't board as well as he should. The main reason for giving props to LA on this one is because he came at a steal. With Kwame Brown (arguably) the biggest peice the Lakers had to lose, Gasol came cheap. Count on them finishing the season strong only to fade in the playoffs without any legit role players.

Grade: B+

Phoenix Suns/Shaquille O'Neal -- Oh Steve Kerr, what are you thinking? The Suns' identity is running and gunning...and the closest The Deisel gets is running near empty. I know Phoenix needed more size to bang with the big boys in the Western Conference, but are they really going to pull the reigns on Steve Nash and make him wait for Shaq to drag up and down the court? (And yes, that was a pun referencing the fact Nash has a horse face.) They would have been better off giving this team one more shot and then getting something better (and younger) for Marion in the offseason. They've pretty much decided on a win now attitude as I'd give Shaq this season and next before he's done. This will only work if it changes the lockerroom attitude drastically. Would you rather have a healthy, younger Marion every game or an aged, injury-riddled Shaq for half the games? Who knows, maybe Kerr will turn out to be a genious and I will punish myself for having ever doubted him.

Grade: C-

Miami Grade: B

U.S. Sports Across The Globe

For those who aren't aware, I am taking a training course in Abu Dhabi, UAE for one month. It is an incredible area, with Dubai rapidly becoming the most impressive city in the world. But the most shocking thing I've seen came about after turning on the television and finding myself staring at the Memphis-Tennessee basketball game. Sure it was a replay, but the fact that the Arabian version of ESPN showed the #1 vs. #2 in American collegiate sports again could be considered fairly significant. At first I assumed the channel existed purely for foreign tourists, but then I rememebered that not many Americans come to this training facility, not to mention the facilty in France I had previously stayed at didn't televise a single U.S. sporting event in two months. Eh, I'm probably giving U.S. athletics more credit than it deserves; I'm sure 97% of the people here don't give a damn whether or not Roger Clemens really took steroids...

But when it comes to the NBA, the world pays attention. (And coincidentally, most of America doesn't.) Before my trip here I spent two weeks in China on vacation. Yao Ming and Yi Jianlian are everywhere. Integrating a couple key Chinese players into the NBA has to be the best thing to ever happen to that league. I was amazed at how many games are televised around the clock in China. At a Japanese restaurant, the owner commented on how Garnett was the top vote getter for the all-star game. While I was there I had the privelage of watching the "Chinese Superbowl" as Yao's Rockets played Yi's Bucks. It was available in every household with a tv. And then two days later was the American Superbowl, which was not televised.

I heard the Giants won. Good for them...

Vote for Cy! (Again!)

Most of you already know that Cy has been named "the most dominant mascot on Earth" mostly due to the loyal support of Cyclone fans with nothing better to do than vote online a million and a half times for Cy. Well, for those of you that got a kick out of it you get the chance to do it again.

NCAA Football 2009 for the Wii, PS3, and Xbox 360 is having an online poll to pick a mascot for the cover. You should all vote for Cy! (Unfortunately you can only vote once a day. Don't forget!)