Bowl Predictions

BCS disputes aside, I'm pretty excited for this year's bowl season. There are some good traditional matchups, as well as lopsided games that should result in upsets. Even though the entire nation is saddened by the absence of Iowa State, the Big XII is still represented well. After winning the 2005 Bowl Challenge without much fanfare, the Big XII can potentially repeat, while the Big Ten may be looking at another losing record. Here are my personal predictions:

*Biggest upset: Nebraska over Auburn
*Toughest call: Wisconsin vs. Arkansas


Poinsetta
TCU over Northern Illinois

Las Vegas
Oregon over BYU

New Orleans
Rice over Troy

Papajohns.com
South Florida over East Carolina

New Mexico
New Mexico over San Jose State

Armed Forces
Tulsa over Utah

Hawaii
Hawaii over Arizona State

Motor City
Central Michigan over Middle Tennessee

Emerald
Florida State over UCLA

Independence
Oklahoma State over Alabama

Holiday
California over Texas A&M

Texas
Rutgers over Kansas State

Music City
Clemson over Kentucky

Brut Sun
Missouri over Oregon State

Liberty
South Carolina over Houston

Insight
Texas Tech over Minnesota

Champs Sports
Maryland over Purdue

Meineke Car Care
Boston College over Navy

Alamo
Texas over Iowa

Chick-fil-A
Virginia Tech over Georgia

MPC Computers
Nevada over Miami

Outback
Penn State over Tennessee

Cotton
Nebraska over Auburn

Gator
West Virginia over Georgia Tech

Capital One
Wisconsin over Arkansas

Rose
Michigan over USC

Fiesta
Oklahoma over Boise State

Orange
Wake Forest over Louisville

Sugar
LSU over Notre Dame

International
Cincinnati over Western Michigan

GMAC
Southern Miss over Ohio

BCS Championship
Florida over Ohio State


And the conference standings:

ACC: 6-2
Big XII: 6-2
Big East: 4-1
Big Ten: 3-4
Pac 10: 2-4
SEC: 4-5

Best of the NBA

The all-star tandem of Marv Albert, Steve Kerr, and Craig Sager have to be the best in sports. A great mix of knowledge, humor, and style, their commentary is a welcome relief from dumbasses Bill Walton and Snapper Jones. Seth shook Sager's hand at a Timberwolves game four years ago and I bet he still hasn't washed it.

A Frustrated Sunday

Alright, Chicago defense, you now have permission to snap. Tonight was After forcing five takeaways and holding New England to 17 points, including a recovered fumble on the final drive to deny the Patriots a score only to have Rex throw an interception on their first offensive play, you may let out the rage on Grossman (who had all four turnovers himself). You could see it in their eyes--the defense can't take it much longer...

You've Got To Be Kidding Me...

During a time when Major League Baseball is trying to escape the steroid era and get back to what baseball should be, the experts reward a power hitter with the MVP. Despite the black eye baseball has endured the past five years, I guess people are still awed by the longball, and I find it almost comical that two descriptors clarifying why Howard won were:

Ryan Howard of the Philadelphia Phillies was voted the National League's Most Valuable Player on Monday after leading the majors in home runs and RBI.

He had the most homers in the major leagues since Barry Bonds hit a record 73 in 2001.

Is it a good thing to be compared to Barroid Bonds? As I already analyzed, Albert Pujols was probably more deserving. This is the third time Pujols has finished second in the MVP vote, the first two times to Bonds. How many times this season did I hear an ESPN analyst claim Albert Pujols is "the best player in the game" (and more often, "best hitter in the game") only to then declare his support for Howard because of his particularly great season. Shouldn't "the best" usually win this award?

Stacking the two up next to each other yields these certainties:

-Howard's lead in home runs and runs-batted-in outweighed Pujols' higher finish in batting average, on-base percentage, slugging percentage, runs, and stolen bases.

-It went without much recognition that Howard finished second in the league in strikeouts with an incredible 181 whiffs. (Albert was 131st with 50 K's.)

-The often used argument of team success translating to player value did not come into play as the Cardinals made the playoffs with Rolen, Edmonds, and Eckstein fighting/sidelined by injuries. The Phillies failed to make the postseason.

-Defense isn't nearly as important as offense. Howard finished second in number of errors by all major league firstbasemen. Pujols won his first career Gold Glove Award.

Is it sour grapes? Yes. Am I still right? Yes.

UPDATE: Apparently this guy agrees with me completely. Wow, the numbers are very telling. It's not even really close; one of Howard's two statistical edges resulted in many more RBI opportunities, not clutch hitting.

NFL Surprises

1) As usual, I spent Sunday at my neighbor's place watching NFL games. He has two tvs side-by-side (a 42" plasma and a 17" LCD inside his fireplace) and the two midday games on air featured Houston and Seattle. My friends didn't understand why I was proud to sit there and watch both Seneca Wallace and Sage Rosenfels behind center on their respective teams. Sure, they might not have won, but they still represented ISU well.

2) On the flip side, it was horrible to sit there and watch Dallas beat Indy. Most Texans cheer excessively when Dallas makes a good play while losing, jump up and down and hollar the Cowboys' greatness when beating a lesser team, and will absolutely not let up when they knock of the lone undefeated, and nearly invincible, Colts. Although I had a hunch Indy would take a fall this week, due to recent subpar play, I still thought they were better than this. One thing's for sure: it's not Peyton's fault. Well, for the most part. He did overthrow recievers, particularly towards the end of the game when it would have made the difference, but the way he controls his team is unmatched. How many times did he approach the line and point out the blitz and bark commands regarding oncoming defensive formations only to have the offensive line let him down? Credit the Cowboys with fired up defense, but Peyton should have had more protection. The fact the Colts have won all their games by an average of less than a touchdown could be a bit worrisome, but I think P. Manning has replaced Tom Brady and an aging Brett Favre as the smart and talented quarterback to watch in the NFL; this just might be the Colts' year.

As for Dallas, I wished this season they had to play the Bears...

3) ...who are possibly a more all-around football team than people think. I still hear comments about how Chicago is one-dimensional with great defense and could be a better team if they got a 'real' quarterback. What these people don't know is that in addition to the #1 defense in the league, they are currently second in the league in points per game on offense. Grossman is third in the league in touchdowns (behind two guys named Manning and Brady) and happens to be first in TD %. The comeback against Arizona was an anomoly and Rex will be consistently reliable in time for the playoffs. But what really makes Chicago complete is their special teams. They lead the league in punt returns, kicking points, and last week had a record 108-yard missed field goal TD return for the second straight season. Robbie Gould is the hottest kicker in football right now having just broke the franchise record with 27 straight made field goals. He is the only kicker who hasn't missed (aside from Gramatica who is one for one on FG) with an amazing 10/10 on 40-yarders. Let's just hope they can keep this momentum going into the postseason and the Bears will be tough to beat.

4 News In Brief

A few of my recent favorite pieces from The Onion Sports--all brutally true and hilarious. Honestly, who comes up with this stuff?


John Madden Reminds Viewers Of Importance Of Quarterback To NFL Teams
DENVER—Color commentator John Madden spent the third quarter of the San Diego Chargers-Denver Broncos game explaining exactly how important it is for an NFL team to have a quarterback. "You're definitely gonna need one of these guys on your team if you want to have any success in the NFL," Madden said, explaining how having somebody standing directly behind the center when the ball is snapped provides a feeling of stability and consistency. "If Denver, for example, didn't have a quarterback, they could maybe hand the ball off to the running back, but there's absolutely no way the Broncos could pass the ball to the receivers. Frankly, I don't know how the Raiders do it." Madden later went on to talk about how different football would be if there were no end zone and the field "just went on and on forever."


Lou Piniella's First Big Move As Cubs Manager Is To Resign

CHICAGO—During his formal introduction as Cubs manager Tuesday, Lou Piniella announced that his first and only managerial decision will be to step down immediately and permanently from his new position—a bold, unexpected move that he successfully carried out just moments later. "My time in Chicago has been great, and it feels like it was just yesterday that I started this job, but I truly believe that this move will give me a better opportunity to win," Piniella said at the press conference while ceremoniously removing a Cubs hat and jersey. "I'm very excited about leaving this team." After the announcement, Cubs GM Jim Hendry praised Piniella's sound judgment and pure baseball instinct, saying that "his ability to make quick, smart decisions like this one is exactly why we hired him."


Hideki Matsui Unable To Grasp Translator's Explanation Of Where Cory Lidle Is

NEW YORK—Hideki Matsui's interpreter Roger Kahlon has been unable explain to the Yankees' Japanese-speaking left fielder that former teammate Cory Lidle died instantaneously last Wednesday after flying his four-seat, SR20 aircraft into a high-rise apartment building in Manhattan's Upper East Side. "At this point, I'm pretty sure [Matsui] thinks Lidle is either in his four-bedroom apartment or on a 20-minute plane ride to upstate New York," Kahlon said, adding that in order to make Lidle's whereabouts clear to Matsui, he has even resorted to making one of his hands into a plane, the other into a building, crashing them together, and making explosion noises. "This kind of thing just doesn't translate very well." According to Kahlon, the last time he asked Matsui where Cory Lidle was, a confused Matsui answered, "The bullpen."


Larry Coker Fights For His Job By Swinging Helmet At Athletic Director, Chancellor

CORAL GABLES, FL—University of Miami head football coach Larry Coker, afraid of being scapegoated and fired in the wake of Saturday's brawl involving Hurricanes players and those from Florida International University, defended himself by suspending 13 players, taking full responsibility for disciplining his team, and swinging a Hurricanes football helmet at the heads of athletic director Paul Dee and chancellor Donna Shalala during a press conference Wednesday. "What happened was unfortunate and does not reflect our character as a team or my philosophy as a coach," said Coker, grasping the helmet by the faceguard and delivering repeated blows to Shalala's face and neck. "However, I believe that dismissing me at this time would in fact send the wrong message about discipline to our players and the wrong message about the University of Miami to the public." Dee was physically unable to comment or breathe after the press conference, but Shalala seemed to indicate that she would handle the matter internally as soon as she stopped bleeding internally.

Re: More Bang For Your Buck

Cale Kassel said: I'd be very interested to see what these number are at the end of the season and see what, if anything changes...

Per request, here are the final standings regarding regular season wins per million dollars paid in team salaries. More teams changed position than expected. Even though it wasn't quite the all-star break when the first numbers were posted, it is still a good representation of how the teams performed in the second half of the season.

*Take note of the AL Central: two of the largest gainers were the Twins and Royals while the two biggest drops were the Tigers and White Sox.

2006 World Series Champions!

I would like to announce my triumphant return to blogging. Triumphant, of course, because I am still celebrating the Cinderella-story World Series victory by my St. Louis Cardinals. Or am I already celebrating next year’s repeat? Or am I getting a little ahead of myself…
Regardless, no one outside of Redbird Nation expected them to win (or even get into the playoffs, for that matter) and they epitomized the mentality that once you make the post-season the regular season *doesn’t matter*. It wasn’t a juggernaut lineup or potent starting rotation or dazzling defense—it was timely hitting and timely pitching. Suppan, Rolen, Weaver, Taguchi, Wainright, and last, but certainly not least, Little David Eckstein all stepped up in a huge way at the right times. Then combine that with LaRussa pulling the right strings from the foxhole.
I do realize that by now any one of our few readers must be sick and tired of my plugs for St. Louis and right now you must be rolling your eyes (if you’ve even read this far), but I tell you, it is a tremendous feeling when your team finally wins it all. I became a Bulls fan at the height of their success, amid the Jordan era while winning championships, and it almost became expected and certainly less thrilling. But if you’ve been waiting your entire life for your team to get to the top, especially after fear they may have missed their chance two years earlier and came into this October huge underdogs, it is so much sweeter. Cale, you know what I'm talking about. (I will admit their drought hasn’t been my entire life, as their last WS title was in 1982—twenty-three days after I was born. I also looked up the date of my birth and it happened to be the very day St. Louis won its very first division title. You see, being a Cardinal was my destiny.)
Anyways, I will cease gloating and just sit here with the permanent grin that will last me through the off-season. Come April we get to do it all over again, with new heroes and new villains and new underdogs, and I can’t wait. Maybe next year we’ll get that White Sox-Cardinals October matchup. Maybe it’ll be the Cubs. Riiight. Either way, baseball truly is a sport unlike any other.


UPDATE: I think The Onion speaks on behalf of all non-Cardinal fans.

"Carelessness" doesn't describe it...

OK, so this will be my first “quick thought” blog.

I played tackle football for 5 years in my youth and was fortunate to be put at running back for most all of them. During my play, I came across a simple truth…and this truth was confirmed later during a brief career in intramural flag football at ISU:

Perhaps the best pleasure in the game of football, (challenged only by cleaning someone’s clock on a blindside Wagner-esque block) is to stand proudly in your opponents end zone, HOLDING the ball.

WHY DO PLAYERS INSIST ON DROPPING THE BALL JUST AS (or worse: JUST BEFORE) THEY UNCONTENDEDLY CROSS THE GOAL LINE?!?!

This happened again this week in the Alabama-Florida game and that makes 3 that I have seen this season. I’d say there is a close call on this exact play in roughly 5% of college football games. Sometimes the refs catch it and rule it a fumble and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes (as in today’s incidence) players are lucky enough to have truly broken the plane just a fraction of an instant before the carelessly drop the ball. But by dropping the ball just as you cross it, not only do you risk being the biggest goat and losing the game for all of your teammates, but you forfeit the greatest pleasure in the game.

-Confused in Tennessee

National League MVP

It's that time again, kids...time to debate who is the real MVP? The Ryan Howard bandwagon has taken off like a giant, turbo, ESPN-fueled rocket while Albert Pujols is solidly putting together possibly the best season of his career (despite fighting an injury). Both are quite deserving and it makes for an interesting debate. As the season comes to a close, most analysts consider this to be a two-man race, but two good articles on ESPN and Fox Sports both have narrowed it down to a roster of five men who have put up big numbers:

Howard--Phillies
Pujols--Cardinals
Carlos Beltran--Mets
Lance Berkman--Astros
Miguel Cabrera--Marlins

Of course, my St. Louis bias conflicts with who I consider "most valuable" as I've watched The Great Pujols drag this team towards another division title all year. I also just really like the guy. To counteract my favoritism, I'll turn to my old friend Microsoft Excel (which I'm sure you've learned I enjoy playing with) and statistically determine who is top of the class.
It was difficult to determine exactly how to create a comparison that would result in clear evidence of who had a better season than who, so I simply began by comparing their places among the NL League Leaders in particular catagories that most would consider influential to a team's success. As an arbitrary numeric system, I rewarded the players for placing in the top ten in the individual catagories; the point allocation was linear, giving 10 for a first place through 1 for tenth place and no points awarded for placing outside of the top ten. Shown is the rankings and point total: *All stats are accurate as of 9/14/06.

As you can see, Albert has the slight edge over Howard while both are significantly higher in total than the other three contenders. The major flaws with this comparison, though, is that it was near impossible to assign values to important catagories such as stolen bases, strikeouts, and defensive attributes. Neither ESPN.com or Fox Sports allows easy manipulation of fielding stats because it breaks each player down individually per position played and doesn't only include those players who qualify.
Since I am comparing a specific group of players to determine who had the best season among those five I think the better way to look at it is head to head rankings. For example: even though neither Howard or Pujols are in the top ten in the league in fewest strikeouts (and thus received zero points above), I certainly think the fact Pujols has only 43 K's (138th most in the NL) while Howard has 163 K's (2nd most in the NL!) should be considered. Five points were awarded for a first place rank and one point for a fifth place. I figured the following were the ten most useful statistics to use when determining an *all-around* value:

*Rankings for SO's and Errors are 1 for least and 5 for most.

Albert reigns once again, but this time Beltran's stock rises because his base stealing ability and high class defense are counted towards his total. I think this better reflects who is having the best all-around season and displays the players' versatility (or, rather, exposes Howard's dominant dimension of being a power hitter). You can see that the most consistent performer across the board is Pujols. I truly hope the voters consider defense when making their decision and don't lean towards Howard because of last year's outcome. Who knows, they still have a few weeks left and it will be a photo finish.

Verdict: Albert Pujols

Cheap Wins for ISU

Pat Forde did the same analysis of college football teams that I did with baseball teams in regards to million dollars spent per wins. Check it out-- they make note of Iowa State's effectiveness. (Notice that we earn nearly three times the profit from football that Texas Tech does.)

Post #100: The Andre Agassi Show!

If you missed his first-round performance Monday, you're in luck because he won and will be playing at least one more match on Thursday. The attendance at his first match set a new Open record and it was incredible to see everyone rally behind Agassi as Arthur Ashe Stadium exploded with every point won. He gave us a bit of a scare after losing the first set, rallying to win the second in tie-break, only to drop to 4-0 in the third set. Instead he came storming back to win the next five games and take the set in tie-break. It was all around great tennis. After the 3.5 hour match he looked more like a giddy, spry 21-year old rather than an aging 36-year old with back problems. He'll have quite a challenge next round against No. 8 Baghdatis but if he plays with this much fire the momentum should stay in his favor.
Again, I'll plead you tune in and witness the end of one of the greatest American eras in all of sports. If nothing else, the Open is a great event and Agassi is extremely fun to watch. Andy Roddick is also looking like he could make a deep run. But for at least two more days this is Andre's world and we're just living in it...

MLB Notes

-What a huge weekend for the NL Central (or should I say for St. Louis?). The Cards sweep the Cubs to make the season series somewhat respectable (8-11, respectively) while the Reds drop 5 straight. This just secures my belief that we will hold on to the division crown and restates why "Noone Knows If the Reds Will Win the Wild Card." (I must be the anti-Strader as of late because after my prediction about rookie Chris Duncan he hit a home run in all three games of the Chicago series.)

-Speaking of parity in Chicago, Baseball Tonight gave an update on the Cubs-Pirates game after a go-ahead RBI in the 11th from Derrek Lee in his first game back, only to be outdone minutes later after Ryan Dempster walked in the winning run. Ugh.

-I don't know which was funnier on SportsCenter tonight: Andruw Jones slipping and falling on his way to first base during a home run lap or Barry Bonds Kirby-esquely jumping to rob a HR and his bloated body getting a whole two inches off the ground. I can't believe it snagged the two spot in the Top Ten...

-The Cy Young races are far from over as it's extremely tight coming down the stretch. My AL pick changes daily between Halladay, Santana, and The Amazing Verlander. For most of the season I would have punched my vote for Brandon Webb in the NL, but Carpenter and Zambrano are both making a late season push while Josh Johnson came out of nowhere. Only September will tell.

-Here come the Marlins! If this upstart group of rookies can make the playoffs they just might replace Detroit as the new bandwagon. Only 1.5 games back--what a story...

-Ryan Howard is a stud. You bahlt!

Here Comes Lil' Duncan...

Here come the Reds...ha! I scoff at the idea that St. Louis will not win its sixth division crown in seven seasons. (I will at this time concede that I have absolutely no faith in any of our starting pitchers who aren't named Chris Carpenter.) What a gem-- four-hit shutout tonight. You bahlt.
That being said, it's time to give props to my man Chris Duncan as his surge into the major leagues has kept the Cards in contention and his continuing production will be required to make the playoffs. Edmonds is streaky, Eckstein is losing his mojo (.311 BA before All-Star break, .233 since), and teams will pitch around Albert. I've really noticed his big bat lately and wish he'd been slotted #2 all season. Let's measure his power hitting up to some other notable rookies.

If St. Louis does indeed hold on and fend off the Reds, his name must be mentioned at least once in the Rookie of the Year discussions.

A Late Night of Boredom

So I'm sitting here watching latenight TV and the only decent thing on is The World Series of Pop Culture. The theme is fictional locales in tv shows and movies and contestants from neither team knew the name of the golf course in Caddyshack! The guy didn't even have a guess and the opposing female spit out "The Century Club?"... Now, maybe I'm over-estimating how many people out there are familiar with Bushwood, but have you ever seen that SNL skit where all the business men are quoting Caddyshack and the one guy gets left out because he hasn't seen it? I've come to understand that Caddyshack has a reputation that most young to middle-aged men should be familiar enough with the flick to quote it, let alone know the basics. I realize I'm a sucker for old 70/80's dry slapstick humor, but Caddyshack is in a league of its own. Great setting, hilarious script, phenomenal cast. Maybe we ought to add "skinny skiing" and "going to bull fights on acid" to our list of "real" sports...


UPDATE: The following question was "what is the name of the coffee shop the group frequents in Seinfeld?" Once again, blanks across the board. How can you possibly claim to be a master in pop culture trivia and know nothing about Seinfeld?

UPDATE #2: Four questions later they were asked to name the "floating" city that Lando Calrissian oversees in The Empire Strikes Back, which of course neither of them knew. That's it, I'm changing the channel.

Hidden Agendas and Cups of Piss

The Floyd Landis Saga continues as the cyclist stands by his claims that he is innocent of doping accusations. The whole situation seems curious but I really don't know enough about how chemical enhancers work to make a judgement. It has been reported that he took eight urine samples and three blood tests and only one came out positive (the infamous "A" sample). I would have to think this synthetic testosterone would be traceable in his system for a longer period of time, and he even points out the fact it doesn't work instantly if taken only once. In an interview shown today on ESPN he said he wanted to clarify that his testosterone level is actually low, not high, and that the discrepency is related to his ratio. I'm still waiting for SportsCenter to present a clear explanation of exactly what is illegal about his urine and how these synthetic substances work. For now, Landis is making this a larger issue by hinting at some form of conspiracy with the objective of his dethroning. At first I was in denial until the "B" results came out, then I sunk into extreme disappointment, but now I just don't know what the hell to think because he looked pretty convincing on tv. I hope this ends with a definite conclusion and doesn't leave us wondering what really went on in France.

Re: Definition of "Sport" 2

What timing: before I decided to switch and make my previous post, I began writing my two cents and below it said 5:33 p.m., the exact same time Scott started his response.
However, I'm afraid Mr. Strader and I don't meet eye to eye, but rather my definition would very closely resemble Seth's. (Not accidentally, I might add, as Seth and I have discussed this topic before.) I realize that there are many competitions that I would normally consider a "sport" just like anyone else, but I think that might change on a person to person basis. (i.e. I'm still waiting on Cale's rebuttal to our NASCAR bashing of late, something I do not consider a "sport.") I agree with the idea of setting a series of criterion and then placing competitions, much like Seth did. Assuming my definition would be structured the same, as I believe it would be, here are a couple alterations I would make.

First of all, I would not consider running a sport, and certainly not sprinting. I know, I know, I'm flirting with angering a bunch of people (this is where you refute me, Cale) but I have run for distance and for speed in years past. In regards to a marathon, endurance is the most prominant aspect (both physical and mental). It requires strength, power, and timing, but too many of the other factors are borderline. Frankly, running is a fairly natural ability--some people are simply naturally faster than others. It is that running is highly "skilled" that I take issue. Now, we're talking about professionally trained runners here, so this goes beyond the schoolyard, but if we are going to include how fast a person can run we must include how high a person can jump. The high jump is done by people who train to enhance an already existing natural ability (although I agree it lacks endurance). In addition, marathons barely include full-body agility, physical quickness, coordination, and strategy is minimal. Sprinting, on the other hand, is completely void of any strategy whatsoever. And realistically, the 100 meter dash lasts around ten seconds making it difficult to argue physical and mental endurance play much of a role.

I'm glad you brought up boxing, Strader, as it was the most evident omission from the list. I would absolutely consider boxing a sport as outlined by the criteria, but only if it lasts until knockout. I agree that boxing is otherwise a judged competition and should not be included. (Again, strictly adhering to the criteria regardless of how I would catagorize it in the back of my mind.)

Another addition to the list of sports, albeit fairly new and obscure, would be Ultimate Frisbee. It is tough to find a competition that is better described and fits the description of a "sport" so well. Read down the list of descriptors and doesn't it just scream Ultimate Frisbee? (The only one up for debate is requirement of strength.)

Despite recent public attention within the past five years regarding cheerleading a legitimate sport, I shall have to disagree. This goes back to my statement that the majority of participants will consider their competition a sport, just like your boxer, marathon man, and jockey, Strader. Cheerleading will never get my approval because, although it requires every single bit of Rule #2, it is purely subjective. Maybe I'll change my mind once ESPN starts airing competitions to see who can build the highest human pyramid or who can get tossed the farthest or who can sleep with the most high school quarterbacks. Just food for thought.


Maybe a different angle to look at this delimma is whether or not to consider the participant of said competition an "athlete." This whole premise started as defining an "athletic sport," as I often think of true, natural sport as being hunting, fishing, etc. Strader's dart player would certainly not consider himself an athlete. In fact, this summer I went to a recruitment function and asked the smallest, weakest looking kid if played in any athletic sports and he said, "I'm just a golfer." All of the track and field participants would surely call themselves athletes but would the ping pong player? I dunno, just thought I'd open another door...

Countdown Until "B" Results

10 Hours, 4 minutes, and 32 seconds...

Definition of "Sport"

I think all of us have probably thought about this before, so I wanted to post my answer to the question: What determines if a sport is truly a “sport”?

Definition of an “Athletic Sport”:

A competitive game or event can be called an “athletic sport” if it satisfies the following (2) rules:

(1) The primary measure to determine success must be some objective, quantifiable measure other than:
-Beauty
-Form
-Style
-Aesthetics
-Emotion

(2) ALL of the following attributes must help facilitate success:
-Strength
-Power
-Agility (full-body)
-Physical Quickness
-Mental Quickness / Reaction
-Skill
-Timing
-Coordination
-Strategy
-Physical Endurance
-Mental Endurance

Making the cut:
-Baseball
-Soccer
-American Football
-Basketball
-Volleyball
-Racquet Sports (Tennis, Badminton, Racquetball, AND Ping Pong)
-Running
-Biking
-Rollerblading
-Wrestling
-Hockey
-All Downhill and Cross Country Skiing

Barely making the cut:
-Sprinting (possibly lacks endurance but I think 100 yard sprint is long enough to requir endurance)
-Air Hockey and Foosball (very close on full-body agility)

Missing the Cut:
-All judged events - Gymnastics, Dancing, Diving, Skateboarding, Rollerblading, Snowboarding, and Skiing for style (Rule # 1)
-Auto Driving, Hunting, “Sport” Shooting, Fishing, Archery (lack power and full body agility)
-Golf, Bowling, Billiards, Swimming, Darts (lack mental quickness/reaction)
-Power lifting (lacks mental quickness/reaction and endurance)
-One time events – Javelin, Shot-put, Pole Vault, High Jump, Long Jump, Ski Jump (lack endurance)
-All Card Games (lacks pretty much every criterion)
-Competitive eating or drinking (lack strength, power, full-body agility, mental quickness/reaction)

Comments: First I need to say that I tried to develop the criteria first and then apply it to the “sports” in question. I didn’t have a list of sports and non-sports and try to make criteria which would generate my pre-determined outcome.

Also, I’m not arguing that events lack merit simply because they don’t meet my criteria. I’m simply saying they should not be referred to as “athletic sports.” Many of the events and competitions that fell short are great “games”, “competitions”, or “arts”…just not “sports”. I’ve always felt that golf is one of the best competitions due to its combination of physical ability, mental ability, and skill.

I’m curious to hear differing opinions or suggestions.

Re: Seinfeld Rules of Volleyball

First off, well freakin’ done. The Seinfeld references were a nice touch, but mostly reading about the faux pas of sand volleyball was like reading gospel.

I’m not trying to one-up you here, as your Seinfeld knowledge far surpasses mine, but if I may be so presumptuous, I’d like to tack on one more…

The Low Talker: A low talker can cause a great deal of confusion – as Jerry discovered in the “Puffy Shirt” episode (“But I don’t want to be a Pirate”) – and the sand volleyball low talker (coincidentally usually a woman) is no exception. There are several situations where vocal restraint just adds confusion (or liability), so please do everyone a favor and open your throat, push from the diaphragm, and speak up. Call a ball that is in between “zones”, help a teammate judge if a ball will be long or short, tell the opponents if a ball was out of bounds, let your teammate know if you are ready to “kibosh” a good set, and above all, announce the score before you serve! It’s a simple rule really: Don’t serve the ball until you’ve (audibly) said the score. I really struggle to determine exactly what goes through a person’s mind when they fail to announce the score. If they in fact know the score, maybe they want to “keep it in the vault” so they can sneak in a few points later. Or maybe they don’t know the score and are counting on some revelation during the next point. Maybe they just figure that no one will ever bring it up again. Or maybe they are taking procrastination to the extreme with the attitude of “why figure it out know when we can figure it out later?” Well, I’ll tell you why: because it’s going to be a lot goddamn harder to figure it out after you play more points. I feel that failure to announce the score should be an automatic side out (or point in the new-age rally system).

I think we ought to add more rules as new situations arise (sort of a “living document”), but in the meantime, the Seinfeld Rules should ensure enjoyable, quality, fundamental sand volleyball. So study the rules, play all volleyball according to their will, and fearlessly go out into the world and spread their message.