A-Rod's Bluff

Alex Rodriguez is bluffing.

I may be right. I may be wrong.

All I know is A-Rod took steroids, and now is going to escape a terrifying storm that is the New York media for two months with an “opt to have surgery for a cyst on his hip.” That is more than convenient for the 3-time MVP, who has played in 141 games or more in 11 of the last 13 years. Now Rodriguez can just sit in Cancun with Jessica Simpson for two months and collect the largest paycheck from the scroogest of all scrooges – George Steinbrenner.

The following conversation is with Steinbrenner and his unpaid intern who has unequivocally called in sick to work more days than Charles Barkley has come to work sober.

“Bah Humbug,” says Steinbrenner. “Who is the next one on our list to heed from the basements of the majors? I know - call up Jason Giambi’s agent - I think he might be interested in becoming a Yankee”

“But sir,” exclaims the sea monster’s helpless intern. “Giambi already went back to the A’s with a no-trade clause on his contract.”

“Bah Humbug,” yells Steinbrenner. “Screw contracts. I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse. And get Billy Martin down here. We need a new manager too. Now where is my one-a-day pill!”

The most talked about scandal since O.J. Simpson gives me the impression that A-Rod is settling in court (to MLB), so that instead of serving jail time (facing the New York media) he is taking a reduced sentence (crying in front of Peter Gammons) for a few dollars out of his own pocket (the man makes $25 million a year, and that’s without incentives or endorsements).

Seriously it can’t be that hard to make up a story about an “injury” when you get paid more bucks than Dickie V says “baby.” A-Rod could give some of his pocket change to his media assistant, and all of a sudden he has a hip injury. He knows that he needs to escape from the media’s limelight – even if it is for a short while. So why not just say you have an injury, sit out spring training and the first month of the season, and come back somewhat unscathed in the process.

The guy is taking a leave of absence at the perfect time. By the time A-Rod comes back to play in May the dust would probably be close to settling in the new Yankee Stadium. The cloud over his head would almost be gone, and there won’t be a “Sportscenter Breaking News” moment every time the Yankees are having a press conference.

Rodriguez will get back just in time to finish out the final five months of the season. The Yankees won’t miss him at all. I mean seriously, how important are the first 25 games when your 12-time All-Star will be back for the final 137?

I will bring back from the grave two other athletes who had lied and cheated at different points in their lives, and how all of a sudden their deceit and treachery left their sides as if they were innocent all along.

Kobe Bryant’s lawsuit was the talk of the town in 2004. Everyday there was something on ESPN pertaining to the trial, negotiations and Kobe’s personal life. Then all of a sudden it was over, no more. Apparently the witness refused to testify. Nobody knows what came out of the trial, but just like Warden Norton in Shawshank Redemption said after Andy escapes, “vanished like a fart in the wind,” it sure did die quickly.

In 2003 Barry Bonds won his fourth straight MVP award. In 2004 he was brought up for steroid use. Following the allegations Bonds found something wrong with his knee and decided to have three surgeries. He ended up playing in only 14 of the 165 possible games in 2005. After the steroid talk Barry took off five months, only to come back in September and hit four homeruns in four consecutive games. This steroidphile, whose head has expanded as fast as his testicles have dropped, had played in 130 games 16 of the previous 18 seasons. He had never played less than 102 games in his career, but all of a sudden – in demise with the media – Bonds had a knee problem.

Here is a short timeline on our new counterpart - A-Rod

Feb. 10, 2009 – Alex Rodriguez admits to Peter Gammons that he took steroids from 2001-03
Feb. 25 – Speaks at Press Conference at Yankee’s Spring Training in Tampa addressing media for first time since his interview
Feb. 28 – Examined by team physician about possible hip injury
Mar. 1 – Meets with MLB officials about steroid use
Mar. 3 - Rodriguez goes to specialist in Colorado about injury
Mar. 4 – Cyst revealed and word comes that hip was bothering Rodriguez the previous season
Mar. 5 – Torn labrum in hip is announced with possible surgery (could be out up to 10 weeks)
Mar. 6 – Hip surgery is worst-case scenario for Rodriguez, but specialist indicates there is a very good chance that Rodriguez could play the whole year with the labrum tear.
Mar. 8 – A-Rod opts for surgery and will miss 6-9 weeks

It turns out that in less than a week A-Rod goes from all of a sudden having hip problems to saying he can play to opting for surgery. Why wouldn’t he?

Rodriguez is one hell of a player. But he cheated, and I will forever remember him with an asterisk next to his future records, just like Barry Bonds. The same can be said about my respect for Kobe Bryant for committing adultery on his wife and Pete Rose for gambling on baseball. Corruption is evident in the game of sports, but its too sad that some people can get away with it.

I may not be a World Series of Poker player, but A-Rod I can see right through your bluff.