The Seinfeld Rules of Sand Volleyball

It's been the summer of sand volleyball and I've thoroughly enjoyed it. The evening weather's been beautiful, the sand soft, *most* games are friendly and competitive. However, VB definitely contains the good, bad, and ugly, and it's far time someone stood up to all the schmucks out there who are unawares of their faux pas. While on a plane to Houston, I began by listing my personal pet peeves that arise during a typical sand volleyball game. I realized the list of things that bother me got pretty long. I then went to an anger management session to relieve some stress. Now I've trimmed the list and ready to teach the world what not to do when playing VB with your fellow peers--or at least not when playing with me. Considering a few of us have been discussing Seinfeld daily while playing recently, it became the outlet of my complaints (pardon the long post). All I ask is that you look in a mirror and if you realize you fall under one of these personas, knock it off. Let us meet the cast...

Jerry: this is that player that seems completely indifferent when the ball happens to pass by his or her way. Maybe they make a feeble attempt to bump a ball that is just out of reach, maybe they don't. I've always wanted to drag my foot through the sand and divide the court into as many segments as there are players and give ownership to each and every player to protect their rectangular section. The Jerry in the group will stand there stationary as the ball catches his corner, watching the player next to him desperately try to save a point while faceplanting into the sand directly at his feet and he'll simply look down at you and say, "That's a shame." Why lift a finger to help out his team when he knows in the end he'll be Even Steven? Jerry has never been one to actually care about anything, so why would volleyball be any different? After the score starts stacking against you and you begin preaching to your team that some points will come if only teamwork can pull off a bump, set, and spike in succession, he'll back away, wave his hands, and wish you "good luck with aaallll that..."

George: he was the most successful when he did the opposite of his instincts, but that only lasted a couple of episodes. George was always giving advice, but it was never anything he himself would be willing to do. This player is usually giving orders but succumbing to hypocrisy by not taking his own advice. He'll be the one yelling at you if you hit it over without utilizing all three shots, yet his first chance at the net he's trying to kill anything that comes close. He often gets annoyed when teammates make unforced errors via mis-hits, but it's ok when his serve return is a bump that struck his upper arm and bounced perpendicular out of bounds and over the fence. George is also a rather angry individual, never successfully hiding his rage. ("George is gettin' upset!") This player is typically bad for team chemistry, using petty comments or body language to let his teammate know he isn't pleased with their recent play. Don't let George "into the bloodstream" and "infect your staff" or he will suck the fun out of playing a friendly game and cause discontent among others. Besides, who wants to play with a "pear-shaped" loser?

Elaine: we all know how she dances, and that in no way translates into volleyball. Listen and listen closely: DO NOT KICK THE BALL. You know who you are out there, but you persist anyways. I have no bigger pet peeve out in the sand box than if Elaine and her "little kicks" show up. Pick up the damn ball and toss it to the next server. Not only does kicking the ball spray sand into the face of the person in front of you but it rarely goes where intended--a kicked ball more often than not ends up as wasted time while someone has to chase and corral what someone thought would be a more efficient way to transport the ball from the ground to the server. If you want to use your feet go join the US World Cup team--they could use the help.

Kramer: Michael Richards has made a living off physical comedy, using his body to generate memorable laughs. Hey, Mr. Purposefully-Throw-Yourself-Into-The-Sand-And-Roll-Around-Or-Fall-Into-The-Net-Guy, you aren't Michael Richards. You may lack coordination. You may lack speed. You may lack simple volleyball skills. However, acting the buffoon doesn't impress. Although the real Kramer's exaggerated behavior onscreen is hilarious, out in the sand a tough, well-fought point won will bring more smiles than an overdramatic point lost. More than once this summer a lengthy, exciting volley developed with people making incredible shots to keep it alive, going back and forth, the intensity growing as everyone wonders who will falter first, only to have it end by some moron (far too juiced from the excited cheering from the masses) run screaming at the ball and hammering it directly into the net or over the fence. The best is when he follows it up with a primitive yell, breaks into a laugh, and then realizes noone is laughing with him. And why is he usually on my team? Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good effort, and laying out into the sand is often necessary and complimented. The second type of Kramer is the one who makes a spectacular dig and manages to save the point, yet he remains laying in the sand until the appropriate props are given. As of late, I've almost began physically picking people up off the sand when this happens. Kudos to a great hit but keep playing, dammit. It's all in vain if the other team hits it right back to the spot where we have a man down (this is especially vital when playing 3-on-3 or 4-on-4). Yes, we saw it, you don't need to overdramatize it for "effect." The funny thing about the Kramer is that he shows up more often when the "femininas" are around. If you care more about generating a cheap laugh from the opposite sex than a friendly competitive, fundamental game get out. I'm sure any Latvian Orthodox Father would agree with me in that you don't have the Kavorka, but rather are a run-of-the-mill Hipster Doofus.

Kenny Bania: whether it be about Ovaltine or the shopping cart with one bad wheel, Bania is always a sure miss--much like the volleyball serve of a few hacks I know. Under normal VB point rules a failed serve eliminates any possibility to earn points, but under rally rules (which is how we play in sand) a failed serve gives the opponent a free point. I understand noone is flawless and bad serves do happen, but if you consistently cannot put the ball into play do something about it. I know a girl who serves it long 75% of the time; one time I decided to count and on her sixth rotation to the serve spot she finally managed to keep one in bounds. Amazing. (People still repeat the rhyme from a couple summers ago, "when in doubt, Stu's are out.") Personally, I think if you are even hitting one out of three out of play that is not effective. Too many Bania's try to put power behind the ball or crazy spin on the ball, but the reality is that aces only happen (rarely) by a lack of communication by the other team. And there is nothing worse than a serve into the net because at least sometimes serves that will most likely go out of bounds are still kept in play by the returning side. I can only imagine the response of a dude who insists on slapping it ineffectively overhand actually listening to my advice of giving underhand a chance, and upon discovering it is easier to complete serves turns to me, wide-eyed and excited, "that's gold, Kelly. Gold!" It's ok to try and improve your serve gradually, but begin with a style that provides consistent results. Every time someone rotates into the back-right corner and my expectations of a shitty serve are answered, it makes me want to puke. "Puke, that's a funny word. Mind if I use that?"

Tim Watley: have you ever noticed some guys are just all over the place? The Watley of the group starts the point as the server, then he's middle-left backrow, then he's at the net. "I think he converted to front row purely for the spikes." Read the Jerry description above and you'll know how I feel about every player having their own area of which they are responsible. Frankly, he just wants in on the action regardless of position much like Tim Watley wants "joke immunity." All too often the Watley will be out of position and the vacancy gets exposed. Amid points I often give friendly reminders to get back to his spot, but when he doesn't I usually have to cover his ass; there is nothing worse than when it ends with the opponent cleverly tapping it to my unoccupied spot and suddenly I'm the anti-dentite bastard. I realize most don't enjoy playing backrow and the net gets more action and setting and spiking can be fun, but that's why we rotate, jackass. And you ask if this offends me as a spiker? No, it offends me as a volleyball player.

Mickey: I'm not picking on little people, but I'm afraid to say some people just aren't built for spiking. I'm tall, but I also jump like a white guy, so I focus on placement and out-of-position defense and "hitting it where they ain't." If you are vertically challenged or lack power, just play it safe. I don't come across a Mickey very often, but when I see a short guy (or often, gal) continue driving it into the net with big swings I can't help but roll my eyes.

Man-Hands: sure the references are getting a bit obscure, but this character exists nonetheless. Do you know anyone who seems to punch the ball rather than bump with their forearms? How about one who uses hard swats with their palm to get the ball into the air rather than setting the ball with two hands gracefully with precision? This is Man-Hands. I'll bet if Jerry's "lobster-claw ripping date" was up for a game of volleyball, she'd also have a tough time keeping it in the yard. These players simply have no touch. I especially enjoy the breed that clamps their hands together to form one mighty fist of fury, pumping it outwards from their body directly into the ball. Now I'm no physicist, but I don't believe making contact with the ball with a row of knuckles at a 45 degree angle is the best approach with the goal of placing the ball anywhere with any sort of accuracy. Come on, Man-Hands, it's a women's sport to begin with--slap on some moisturizer and soften that form. "Would you rather her have no hands?" "Would she have hooks?" "Do hooks make it more attractive, Jerry?" "They'd be kind of cool lookin'..."

Maura: this is not in reference to those players you just can't get rid of (although I've known one or two in my day), but instead are those imbeciles that refuse to let points die. Even though the serve was short or the other team hit it four times Maura continues to hit it back over the net. This isn't like a submarine where everyone has to turn their keys for the point to be over. The only things this person accomplishes is wasting a bit of time and often leading to confusion as to whose turn it is to serve. The only explanations for this behavior are: 1) she honestly didn't realize they hit it four (or more) times because it was a cluster of people, 2) she wasn't paying any attention, 3) she doesn't know the most fundamental rule of volleyball, 4) she was just dicking around. All I ask is that when the ball is dead, simply catch it and toss to the next server. (And God help you if you kick it...) The worst situation is when two Maura's happen to meet across from each other at the net and we wait patiently while they play meaningless one-on-one for a few strokes before play may resume. Much like George did, I think I have an airtight case to end this relationship.

David Puddy: "nice work. High five! " Greasemonkey mannerisms are definitely allowed in the sporting world and volleyball is no exception. I enjoy a good compliment, high five, or heterosexual pat on the rear, but celebration is best served in moderate doses. Puddy drove others crazy with his face painting, obnoxious cheering, and incessant high fives. Volleyball is a game that is very back and forth, so keep the in-your-face celebration to a minimum. Remember, for every hard spike there is some one one the receiving end and letting out loud "woo!"'s or "yeah, baby!"'s can really piss people off. Next time maybe they'll aim right for that overconfident mouth of yours. I've seen friendly games go sour and this is often the cause; avoid excessive commentary and keep it modest. But I know, I know, you "gotta support the team." Try doing it with fundamentally sound play.


All in all, the keys to good volleyball are knowing how to handle yourself, being prepared by staying on your toes, and knowing your limits. I'm no pro by any means, but I've played enough to know some of the things you should avoid. Stay away from the above characters and you'll do great.

Floyd, Say It Ain't So

Well, Radar, here it is: for once the French might possibly be right. Floyd Landis is under investigation for high levels of testosterone during the Tour de France. Personally, I refuse to believe it until there is solid proof he knowingly took enhancers. However, what makes this story different from the accusations of Lance is that it was the American team that reported his test results, rather than a bunch of jealous, idiotic Frenchmen making ridiculous claims. This has the potential to make us look awful. I'll keep my fingers crossed while anxiously awaiting the verdict...

Trade Deadline Move?

I was shocked at the latest trade deadline move the other day. No, not Odalis Perez being traded. I'm talking about Harold Reynolds being let go by ESPN as a Baseball Tonight Analyst. I was shocked, in fact, I didn't believe what I was reading. Harold is close second behind Peter Gammons in my book for baseball analyst. The ABC "Family" of networks refused comment as to why he was let go, but I'd sure like to hear them justify it. Rich Sutcliffe, John Kruk, no offense, just don't strike me as great minds in baseball. Buster Olney and maybe on some days Orel, but Harold will be missed.

Re: 3 Different Topics

"Is it just me, or is the whiniest major sport NASCAR?"

No, Stradabolt, it isn't you. While watching my nightly ESPN News they aired three separate interviews with crybabies Tony Stewart, Carl Edwards, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. complaining about bumping and "unsafe driving" and how "he gave me the FINGER." (Yes, that last whine indeed happened.) Auto driving should be lucky it is even appearing on this blog as one of these days something will spark me to go into my rant about how ESPN should not even be showing NASCAR at all because of my lack of respecting it as a legitimate sport, and until these "athletes" can toughen up and handle the competition, I will continue to disrespect it. Hell, I saw worse accidents occur during the Tour de France. As Mr. Strader so eloquently phrased it, "kwitcher bitchin'!"

"If You Get Hurt and Miss Work...

it won't hurt to miss work."

Every time I see that Aflac commerial with Yogi Berra I have to laugh.

"It's that one that you need. If you don't have it, that's why you need it."

Why aren't there more comedic ads featuring retired professional athletes? If I had to make a list of my all-time favorite sports commercials, this would be up there (right with the one where Jordan plays against his younger selves and the new catchy MLB-Chevrolet jingle.)

"And they give you cash, which is just as good as money."

Genious.

College Football

Watching the ESPY's last night really made crave some college football. There truly is nothing like it. When they showed highlights of the Rose Bowl, I was just giddy. Now granted we may never see another game like that for 20 years or more, but man. For those of you lucky enough to watch the whole thing, embrace it. I had to miss the whole third quarter and yes I am still bitter about that. Anyway, this year may lack the star power of last year without names like Young, Leinart, Bush, and Tate. Wait scratch that last one. But there is no clear cut favorite. Last year it was USC and Texas all year, but neither team is a lock for a National Title. I'm researching more about this fall so I can write some good pieces with picks and predictions.

Here's hoping ISU gets their defense worked out so we can, well, not suck.

The World's Game

I just got back from Los Angeles, where the women are beautiful and the weather is perfect (some guy in the hotel elevator actually responded to my “what’s up?” with “nothing…just trying to deal with this heat” on a day that had a high in the 80s and no humidity). I stayed at the Embassy Suites in Downey, and they offer free drinks from 5:30-7:30 – some of you may recall my appreciation of open bars. So upon drinking my fill of Jack-and-Cokes and watching 2 hours of ESPNews, I started to realize how much of the sports world about which I’ve neglected to comment and started taking mental notes, which soon turned into written notes. I’m now going through my 18 pages of “Embassy Suites” notepads of scribblings and figured deciphering them and transforming them into a blog would make a good Sunday afternoon task.

The World Cup

Sorry this article turned into such a marathon, but I’ve a lot to say. To start, a co-worker forwarded me an article from the Quad City Times titled “We’ll Never be Good at Soccer.” The article and my responded comment can be found at:

http://www.qctimes.net/articles/2006/06/27/sports/doc44a0c8d6538a9517348897.txt

Most of this article is ridiculous (which is why I posted a comment) but the end is actually kind of fun to think about…if America’s best athletes played soccer. I especially like the thought of Kevin Garnett at Goal Keeper.

The truth is, (men’s) soccer in this country has a long way to go before we can be serious contenders for The Cup. But that’s a far cry from saying we will “never be good.” Our showing in 2002 was quite good. Since then, we climbed to 5^th in the FIFA rankings. And although very little good can be drawn from this Cup, we did tie the champs…and please don’t say “yeah, but it was an ‘own goal’ by Italy” unless you watched it. Had the Italian not hit it, McBride would have scored. More importantly in that game than the own goal is that we that played the entire second half with 9 players to Italy’s 10.

As for The Cup in general, I think there are some major issues that need to be evaluated.

The flopping was absurd. At some points I half expected some smoke and pyrotechnics and some pro-wrestlers to run onto the field and flop around with the rest of them. I once had a discussion trying to answer the question: Which athletes would you least like to fight (wrestlers, boxers, hockey players, football players, etc.)? Well after watching this Cup, it’s pretty obvious which athletes I would most like to fight: you don’t even have to touch an international soccer player and he’ll end up rolling on the ground screaming. I say “international” because I never once saw a US player flop. Now I don’t really blame the players for this, but rather the referees. A flop should never be rewarded. A ref should only call a foul if he actually SAW a player foul another. That doesn’t happen in a flop, so I don’t understand how fouls were consistently called when untouched players go down screaming. It also seemed like the refs also would never call a foul if the player fouled didn’t go down. If he kept his feet, then they would let play resume, which only encourages players to go-a-flailing at the first hint of contact. The worst is when a player goes down screaming AND makes sure to grab the ball on the way down so the ref is forced to call a foul or a handball, which almost always results in a foul. I feel a flop should be an automatic yellow card. A flop in “the box” should be an automatic red card.

This Cup has been well publicized for its excessive cards. I’m not Mr. Soccer, so I’m always kind of learning as I watch. But after watching a ton of the games, I still don’t really have a good answer for: What determines if a hard foul should get a yellow card, red card or, the more unpopular option in this Cup, no card? It’s obviously discretionary, but to my amateur eye, it could be a lot more consistent with at least a somewhat clear criteria. During some matches I watched (USA-Italy specifically), it truly felt like the ref had some kind of bipolarity with the fouls he gave cards to, and the much more excessive fouls he didn’t. In my opinion, a yellow card should be reserved for the absolute worst/most dangerous fouls that happen in the play of the game and red cards should be reserved for Zidane-esque incidents.

I absolutely hate watching penalty kicks. I say that because in my very limited playing of soccer, I was put at goal keeper (can’t we just say goalie?) 90% of the time. The penalty kicks are just completely unfair to the goalie. He has no chance, except to be lucky and guess right. I especially hate when a player gets fouled in the box with no real chance to score, and is then essentially awarded a free goal through the penalty kick (i.e. USA-Ghana). I think after a foul occurs in the box, the ball should be placed at the point of the foul…just like it is after a penalty anywhere else. The only difference would be that no players may be between the shooter and the goalie. I also think they should do away with the penalty kicks deciding a match in the elimination round. If it gets to 90 minutes and the game is tied, then they should just keep playing until someone scores. I felt that in the Championship, Italy wasn’t even trying for a goal, but was instead just trying to stall until the pk’s. The game should never be set up to encourage teams to stall. I also felt that if they had played the game out until one team scored, France would have won, even without Zidane.

Ok, so about Zidane. I’m still stunned when I think about that head butt. It’s not the fact that it was about the cheapest of cheap shots – which could have had a much more serious result. Or the fact that the game was on the line (most likely the biggest game of his life). Or that a reaction like that to any spoken word is simply bizarre and never justified. It’s the fact that the audience of the game is over 1 Billion people (more than 10 times the audience of Super Bowl XL). If there was ever a time to keep your cool, that would be it! As for those who argue or even suggest that his response was justified based on any family insult or “ethnic slur” that Materazzi said, I eloquently respond with: ETHNIC SLUR MY ASS! I seriously challenge anyone to come up with an insult or “ethnic slur” which would cause ME to do something that outrageous in front of a billion people during the biggest night of my life. I actually feel grateful Zidane was exposed in front of the entire world for exactly what he is: a douchebag.

That’s pretty much it for The World Cup. I actually wrote notes about almost every sport, but this took more time than and turned into a larger article than I intended, so I’ll just leave it at that for now.

Enough is enough...

Today I was mulling over college football previews and stumbled across some very disturbing news. If you go to ESPN.com and go to the college football section, you can a free peak at what Blue Ribbon has to say about Iowa's upcoming season. Two things jumped out at me while skimming the article. The first came in the early part of the article. They mentioned how great Kirk Ferentz is, which he is, but then started in on how great Iowa football has been and that they'd only been held to less then 20 points twice, against a very talented Ohio State team (my opinion) and Iowa State. But its okay, Drew Tate left with a self inflicted (my words again) concussion. Okay, so if everybody is healthy they're a great team, but if not, well they can lose every once and a while and make a Jan. 1st bowl game. I thought that was too much already, but it got better, I guess.

Later it discussed their potential for success and how they thought the season would play out (last few paragraphs). Let me give a little background information to prepare you for this. Iowa plays Montana, Syracuse, Iowa State, and Illinois their first four games. "Fortunately for them, the schedule provides relief with four likely blowouts before they play host to Ohio State." Blowouts, three I would believe, but one of those teams beat Iowa last year, pretty handedly. I hope Hawk fans look past Iowa State this year, which they probably won't because they know they got rocked last year, but if they do, they're in trouble. Iowa State may struggle a little this year because their schedule is awful tough, but against the Hawks they should be ready, we always are. So here's to you Hawk fans, may Drew Tate continuing winning games, for Iowa State...


NOTE: On the bright side, Blue Ribbon had Todd Blythe, Brett Meyer, and DeAndre Jackson (DB and KR) all on 1st team Big XII. Rankings weren't out yet for how we would fair in the North, but this is promising. No Curvey though, strange...

The 5 Reasons Why Noone Knows If the Cincinnati Reds Will Win the Wild Card

I logged on ten minutes ago prepared to write a post entitled "The 5 Reasons Why the Cincinnati Reds Will Win the Wild Card." Then I decided to check out MLB.com only to find the headline coincidentally bearing news about an eight-player trade between the Reds and Nationals. Suddenly I'm not as confident. Sure it bolsters their bullpen, but they are losing a couple important bats. The combined stats for Felipe Lopez and Austin Kearns from the first half of the season:

BA-.271, OBP-.353, HR-25, RBI-80, BB-82, SB-30 (But 151 strikeouts. Yikes.)

Kearns helps protect Adam Dunn in the lineup, so it is that much more important Ken Griffey is healthy and productive. Royce Clayton (age 36) should fray part of the loss, but he will provide a mediocre output at best.

Hell, now I'm not so sure, so I've altered this entry to explain why I am completely clueless as to whether or not they are the real deal. (This is dedicated to our friends, the Lebo-Beyers, out in Ohio.)


1) It's hard to keep playing better than expected.
Bronson Arroyo, Aaron Harang, Scott Hatteberg, and Brandon Phillips are exceeding expectations by having higher than normal numbers. It'll be interesting to see if this pitching staff can continue balancing a potent offense. In recent years the Reds have had the most explosive offense but lacked pitching to keep them in games, and even with Bronson and Harang throwing great, they are both a measly 9-6. They do have a real deal in Edwin Encarnacion who is legitimatly having his breakout season after an average rookie year and should consistently get better. However, as the season moves on and Cinci becomes less of a suprise upstart team and becomes a favorite for second in the Central, the expectations will increase and the young players may buckle under the pressure during the final wild card push.

2) Team chemistry may change.
I'm not sure how much I buy into the "intangibles" of team sports, but I do know that having confidence in eachother and preaching teamwork can give guys a boost. Thus far, the Reds have been playing well *together* with a consistent lineup and a pitching staff that keeps challenging eachother. Integrating five new players, with the loss of a key component in Kearns, can shake up the good thing they had going.

3) It will be difficult to repeat a 11-3 record against Houston and St. Louis.
Their record against the rest of the NL Central is pretty typical (15-17), but to climb higher in the ranks they must begin taking more games from the lowly Cubs and Pirates. The Astros and Cards know what it takes to reach the playoffs and will be tougher wins the remainder of the season.

4) Ken Griffey is a perennial question mark.
Some days he looks like the old Griffey, some days he looks like the Tin Man before his joints were oiled. His 18 home runs and 50 RBI's definitely help the cause, but he isn't hitting for average (.255) or seeing the ball as well (8th on team in walks with 17). As mentioned above, if the Reds want to contend they need a healthy KG. He hits the DL, so does the team.

5) History has a way of repeating itself.
Nothing would make me angrier than if Houston goes on yet another late-season tear to squeak into the postseason. Clemens and Pettitte will begin winning games, Lance Berkman will keep up this pace, and Brad Lidge will regain his form (I hope not) making them a threat to take a run at the division. Experience may win out and those damned Astros, who are built like a playoff team, can turn on the afterburners. The Dodgers, Giants, and D-Backs will be amid the dogfight til the end while I'm rooting for the unlikely Rockies who are having a season very similar to the Reds. On the flip side, though, the trend of wild cards from the Central may continue and the Reds are ready to replace Houston in that role.

Overall, the NL race should be much tighter than the AL, and who the hell knows what's gonna happen? I suppose that's why they play the games. Fire up!

Keys to the Second Half

Dayn Perry, a journalist I am less than fond of, wrote an article on questions for the second half. So here are my thoughts on these questions.

1. The AL East - Watch out Boston and New York, these Blue Jays are for real. The money the spent this offseason looks like it will pay off. Troy Glaus, Halliday, Rios (when he's healthy), Wells, etc. These guys can play and with the Yanks injuries I would not be surprised to see the Blue Jays and Bo Sox fighting it out for the title come Sept. This should be an exciting race, and I'm picking the Blue Jays.

2. The Cards - Yes, they can hold on. Is there any doubt? The NL Central is pretty week, considering the Red Birds only competition will be from the Reds and Brewers, I really don't foresee another division title being a problem. They've had their struggles, but La Russa knows what he's doing, he'll have this team ready for October.

3. The Trade Deadline - The joys of speculation. For the past few seasons it seems the build-up to the trade deadline never lives up to the hype. In fact, I think you could say the biggest trade made last year was the White Sox getting Geoff Blum from the Padres. He did win Game 3 for the Sox. I feel this year will be a bust again. Dontrelle WIllis is not leaving Florida. I would bet on that. Alfonso is the biggest name likely to move, since the Nationals failed to excel this year. Maddux will also be shipped out, as should most veterans on the Cub Scouts roster, change is needed. Expect a ho-hum trade deadline, again.

4. The Cubs - The first thing that needs to happen in Chicago is to kick some people in the ass. Seriously, this team is horrible. Dusty Baker shouldn't, thought likely will, take the fall for lack luster play from a less the stellar roster. The Cubs need to trade for Prior and Wood by sending some minor leaguers to the DL. The real question is, can a team so used to losing, change that?

5. AL Central - White Sox, two reasons. 1) Kenny Rogers always struggles the second half, and as the ace, if he goes down, so will the rest of the staff because...2) they're a young staff and fatigue and a few struggles will affect them more than the veteran staff of Chicago. Just look at the Sox rotation, besides Beurhle and Contreas, the ERA of Garcia, Garland, and Javier are very high, but their records and mindset are still good. Watch out if the South Side team gets hot, there could be trouble with Mo-Towns magical season.

Side note: How about the Twins, these guys really are playing lights out and don't look to stop anytime soon. My prediction, and it is a bold one, is that White Sox win the Division, and Minnesota takes the Wild Card. I think they get hot(ter) and with the aid of Chicago beat up on the Tigers who miss the playoffs.

6. NL Wild Card - I'm feeling crazy today, so here goes another off the wall prediction. The Braves will win the Wild Card. Yes, I know, crazy, but the GM has committed to winning even this year, their rotation has made great strides, and they can't keep swinging so poorly all year. The bullpen may need some help, but watch out, they always find a way, and why would this year be any different.

7. The A's - Will they stay healthy? Yes. Will they win the West? Yes. Will it piss me off how they will just go on a tear and take off with first in the West? Yes. There really is no better second half team than the A's (outside of Houston, but not this year).

8. NL West - The Dodgers win a close one, with San Diego not far behind. I know Brad Penny can't every game like he did in the All-Star game, but man, WOW.

9. The Royals - They have turned this year around, and by that I mean they're not the worst in baseball anymore (enter Pirates). They're making progress and if their young talent develops, they may be a threat in the next few years. Watch out, they'll make noise this year.

10. I feel like I addressed this one...

To recap, my picks are:

AL East: TOR
AL Central: CHW
AL West: OAK
AL Wild Card: MIN

NL East: NYM
NL Central: STL
NL West: LAD
NL Wild Card: ATL

This season should be one of the most exciting in a while, sit back and enjoy.

"Awww. Is that it?"

It appeared Public Enemy #1, AJ Pierzynski, didn't notice the FOX Broadcasting camera looking him directly in the face. After a mix of cheers and boos upon his introduction (I'd say approx 40-60, respectively), he turns to his teammate and says the above smiling in a sarcastic tone for all the world to see. I honestly think he was disappointed.

Then again, perhaps he just couldn't see the camera due to poor vision, which seemed the case on Friday against the Red Sox when he slid far to the side of the bag and completely out of the basepath, taking out the shortstop and allowing the winning run to reach base. Man, he really oughta get those eyes check...

Why I Love This Game

A modern day Moonlight Graham

"Son, if I'd only got to be a doctor for five minutes, now that would have been a tragedy."

The End of an Era

Risking taking attention away from the MLB all-star game, I thought I would share how sad I am to see Andre Agassi retire. For those of you who caught his final match at Wimbledon (I've seen it re-aired atleast three times now) you know what I'm talking about. He has been such a fantastic icon for the game of tennis over the past two decades and even though retirement was inevitable, it will be difficult to see him go. After his three-set loss to #2 Nadal on Centre Court, he gave one last trademark 'four corners bow' and a rare on-court interview. The crowd showed immense appreciation, Nadal was gushing over what it means to play a legend, and Andre himself had tears in his eyes while sharing how much he loved all the years spent at the All England Club, thanking the fans for all their support. It was one of those soul-touching moments that reminds me why I watch sports to begin with.
I absolutely can't wait until September to witness an entire country rally behind Agassi at the US Open for one final run. The 2002 US Open was magnificent as Pete Sampras won the last tournament he would ever play, fittingly against Agassi, and I hope this year we can send off the other half of this dominant American tandem victorious. I recommend you take this fleeting opportunity to see the end of a great American era.

The Onion Sets A New Comedic Low

Rookie Tragically Misinterprets Suicide-Squeeze Sign

Hilarious.

Too Bad One Vote Doesn't Make a Difference

Let's break down our panel's all-star ballots and see just how many of our votes went towards a winner:

KG: 25% (AL 1/8, NL 3/8)
CK: 25% (AL 0/8, NL 4/8)
SS: 31.25% (AL 2/8, NL 3/8)

Now I would consider our MLB IQ to be strong to quite strong and it pains me to see such deserving gents go unappreciated by the common fan. It's stunning that the picks that helped me sleep the best the night I voted, Pujols aside, were for Joe Mauer, Matt Holliday, and Jermaine Dye--all denied starting spots. It was good to see them all placed on reserve, but runaway victories for guys like Pudge, A-Rod, and Soriano just verify the "Big Name Theory." (Can anyone explain how seven South-Siders can be on the All-Star team and Joe Crede not be one of them?! This panel had him starting unanimously.)
This of course leads me to my next complaint; last year I voted for a deserving Podsednik, but anyone who voted for Pierzynski over Liriano should be forced to explain themselves. AJ's not having a bad year by any means, but everyone knows this guy for all the wrong reasons and I was hoping Mr. Joe Everyman would clearly see Ozzie's mistake by not including this kid and give him a helping hand. 9-1 with a 1.98? Tis a shame...
I've been a bit hard on Ozzie lately, so I won't sink my teeth into his questionable selections, but I will agree with Cale on the ludicrous pickup of Beurhle and raise an eyebrow at the absence of Hafner. My hat goes off to the job Phil Garner did as I really think he put together a roster that can actually win this game. Every player I saw fit to be an all-star he gave due credit. I especially applaud the opposite route he took in only choosing one of his own players, especially having a couple very good pitchers on his club. Garner has some powerful bats coming off the bench so it should be interesting.
Finally, I'm giving a shout-out to my man, Reggie Sanders. I sometimes reevaluate the rule entitling every team to an all-star, but I'm OK with it. (I would still debate that it should be in the hands of the players.) In this case, the manager just plain got it wrong. Usually every team has atleast someone putting up uncharacteristic season numbers or a career of not-quite-good-enough campaigns. Sanders is of the latter, and the selection of Mark Redman is a slap in the face of a player who has distinguished himself as a producer and leader for many different teams. Earlier this season Reggie became only the fifth player ever to join the 300-300 club (home runs and steals) and it would have been great to see him rewarded.

The Snubs Are In...

It happens every year, several well qualified players missed out on the cut and a few made it without merit. A few stick out in my mind...

The Deserving
Travis Hafner - Clevland - his numbers warrant at least a reserve spot - high OBP, slugging
Joe Crede - Chi Sox - his defense and batting are pretty darn good, he hits over .300 and over 50 RBI with gold glove D
Fransico Liriano - Minnesota - The biggest snub, bar none, he is by far the best pitcher in baseball, I cannot understand this one
Justin Verlander - Detroit - a fine rookie putting up solid numbers, numbers deserving of an all star spot
Michael Barrett - Cub Scouts - his numbers are better than Lo Duca, should be there with McCann

The Not Welcome
Mark Buerhle - Chi Sox - numbers aren't deserving of an All-Star nod compared to what he should be, better pitchers out there
Jose Contreas - Chi Sox - same as Buerhle, he'll find his form again, but Jenks is the only deserving Sox pitcher
Mark Redman - KC - wow, really makes you question the every team gets a rep idea

I would also like to add my two cents on fan voting. I hate it. The very idea of fans choosing the best players is absurd. Fans shouldn't control this aspect of the game. Too many deserving players miss out year after year while people who happen to play for Boston or New York get almost automatic selections. (Sadly the White Sox are starting to act like this and I don't like it one bit) Let managers and players pick, hell even let the media choose, except Jay Mariotti and the NYT. This needs to be addressed, sadly it will probably take some great snub to take hold and who knows when that will happen.